FACT #3: The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
FACT # 4: The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
FACT # 5: The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
Is There a Doc in the BOX?
But Jeff once played a doctor when he was a kid…and while it didn’t work out so well for his patient perhaps you would have better luck…or,
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn.
And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient
mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken.
Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO!! Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!!
It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Doctor Jeff, Is swimming good for your figure?
A: dOCTOR jEFF says: If swimming is good for your figure explain Walrus’ and Whales to me.
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Well, that does it for today. I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention
of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and
screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'
State of Mind proudly presents
FACT #2; The Mexicans eat tons of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
FACT #1: The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
According to dOCTOR jEFF
In conclusion, dR. Jeff says:
EAT AND DRINK WHAT YOU LIKE!
SPEAKING ENGLISH IS APPARENTLY WHAT KILLS YOU!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape